They say that you teach best that which you need to learn most. So for today’s post I’m going to teach myself a lesson with the hope of increasing joy in my life- here it goes!
I’m holding on. Not sure why. Didn’t even know I was doing it! But I am. I’m holding onto fear that I will lose someone I love. I’m holding onto the idea that my friends will ditch me the second I step out of line. I’m holding onto fear that my house will get broken into, that I will fail at my job, that I won’t be good enough if I cry. I hold onto fear of falling apart, of not being able to take care of my family and friends, or becoming unable to be taken care of by others. These underlying currents seem barely existent when I actually look at my life. I LOVE my life! I’m truly the happiest I have ever been. Right now though, it has become extremely clear to me that now is the time to be ok with all of these insecurities whenever they float by. Its time to own up to my baggage!! Instead of trying to leave my baggage at the airport (that’s illegal), I’m going to change it into luggage that is pink and by Kate Spade! (That would be my version of making lemonade with lemons.- I tried!)
I’m certainly the way that I am right now because of a series of unfortunate events that occurred in my past. I’m not going to go into those things here- this blog is about being happy! (Get it? Happy Yogis)! What I will say is that those events created a storm cloud over my life for a number of years. At the time, I believed that the end goal was ridding myself of all those negative emotions. I believed that I could fight pain, abolish fear, and get rid of negative thoughts. In essence, I believed that I was in control. Now that I’m on the other side I am realizing that there is no normal! I’m extremely happy and grateful and blessed- but I’m holding on. I’m holding onto my belief that by holding onto my sanity, I won’t be insane! By holding back my sadness, I will be happy. By holding back my tears and appearing “normal” on the outside I will seem like anyone else on this earth who has yet to experience tragedy. What is that?? Why do I have to be so altogether all the time? This is Marin County after all and people don’t even always wear pants here. Don’t I deserve a little crazy? (ok I will admit that I did take up singing at the grocery store from time-to-time, just trying to fit in). As an AWESOME friend told me: What we resist, persists. Ahhhh yeah, there is the lesson!
In a period of a week here is what happened to me. Talk about being given a sign!!:
- Day 1: Up all night, unable to sleep because of fear of a break-in. Why am I being so paranoid???
- Day 2: HORRIBLE nightmares. I work up crying my eyes out! Ughh… soooo tired. (Soooo jealous that Garret’s nightmares are always about T-Rex, snakes, spiders, or in one case – a racoon. Gotta love the guy!)
- Day 3: Give a YL talk that exposes some of my not so great moments. Instantly fear that I won’t be loved.
- Day 4: Started reading the book “Willpower.” He talks about an experiment where participants were asked not to think about a white bear. This resulted in WAY more thoughts about white bears. Oh yeah. There it is.
- Day 5: Girls night with an amazingly, beautifully, blunt friend who tells me I need to give myself a break. True that. Also saw the movie “Five-year engagement” there are some gems in there (for example, don’t ever leave the bay area, especially not to move to Michigan)
- Day 6: Good ole life coaching sesh that confirms the same: Stop trying to BE SOMETHING and just allow myself to BE ME- crazy insecurities and all!
ALL RIGHT! I GET IT! So here I am with this post and all. Right here is where I am. This is me, this is it. I have insecurities. FINE. I might not be able to sleep after watching Once Upon a Time. OK. I maaaay cry over something ridiculously small for no apparent reason (Why would they put milk in that chocolate anyway!?) SO WHAT! I’m loved, by God, by my family, by my friends. I think that’s enough. If they are all cool with that. I can be too. Just watch me…
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. ~John 16:33
I hit a wall. But that is what lead me here, to a place where I finally have answers that will hopefully shed light on problems I’ve seen faced by sooooo many people! And there ARE answers! People with IBS, Crohn’s, Celiac, or the perpetually undiagnosed CAN find out what is ailing them and make positive changes with their life! All it takes is a little bit of info and some positive life changes!
I have struggled with digestive issues on and off for the past couple of years. When “on”, I could easily slide myself into a stress funk (which makes it even worse)! I would think, I have appendicitis! A tumor! Something had to be seriously wrong judging by the intense stomach pain I felt. Only cuddling up in bed could provide me any relief. Over time I have researched and researched and researched to try to get to the bottom of what is causing my pain. After a three year struggle to get to the bottom of it, I finally found good news. In other words, we aren’t all doomed.
What the Experts Say (and can we believe them??)
After dealing with bouts of colon pain I decided I wanted to get to the bottom of it and try to rid it once and for all. I started with a few doc visits. After a lot of money and time, here’s what they had to tell me: Doctor number 1 tested me for Celiac (negative) and said I might be lactose or gluten intolerant. Doctor number 2 laughed it off as IBS (no cure, you’ll have it till you are 50-sorry!). I went to an Ayurveda Practitioner who chalked it up to stress as well as diet factors such as not enough fiber, and too much cheese and bread (common in the west). Lastly, I saw a Clairvoyant who told me that she could see that I was holding long-term trauma in my stomach. Alrighty, soooo stress, food intolerances, diet, and a doomed future…. I’m going to need more information.
Thus began my research online. On the web, there are thousands of conflicting sites that all claim to know how to solve digestive ailments. Google IBS and you will find advocates who say a Paleo diet is the true solution, or that the Mediterranean Diet is the cure. Some say low-fat, some say high-fiber; some say good fats, high-omega 3′s, low-carb or no carb. There are “experts” who say avoid fried foods, sugar, wheat, milk, and pretty much every other food under the sun. Exercise, take supplements, probiotics, enzymes, laxatives! Drink raw milk, no milk, no dairy. No gluten or no grains period! What advice are we supposed to follow? It seems that these “experts” aren’t any more knowledgeable than the general public! If we are to follow all of the advice that’s out there we would be on a water and vegetable only diet and a heavy load of supplements that will contradict each other! (Trust me, that is not the answer).
The Good News
After 3 years of complete agony, and the millionth google search about what my symptoms could possibly mean, I stumbled upon an excellent article in Natural Health Magazine. The article talks about food sensitivities, and although I have tried to eliminate items from my diet before without success, it gave an excellent piece of advice: get tested. After the author tested his mother for food sensitivities and discovered she reacted strongly to egg, removing that element from her diet gave her a whole new life.
I started looking up different means of testing, when I found a true gem. The IBS Treatment Center in Seattle. I read every testimonial on the site and found a ton of people EXACTLY like me, with the same symptoms, the same “life threatening” feeling that I was constantly feeling!!!! Empowered, I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Wangen and flew up to Seattle to see him. After a blood and stool/DNA test, I received my results this week. Like many before me I found some answers! Food intolerances.
I cannot even describe to you the relief! Gluten, Dairy, & Eggs (“The Big Three” as they are called) are my culprit. I eat all three of these things daily! Two days ago I revamped my kitchen, planned menus and am on my way to a new life! A life where I will be able to run, do yoga, go for hikes! I can’t wait to see the results from my new diet and hope to be pain-free in no time! I will let you know my results as I hit the 1 and 2 month marks. (about how long it takes for your digestion system to repair itself after the poison’s are removed). There will be some recovery ahead, but at least there are finally answers! I hope that my answers can be of some help to others going through the pain of discovering what ails them. It is a hard process, but there ARE ANSWERS! I promise!
I would be happy to talk with anyone that finds themselves in the same scenario! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Good Luck! and Good Health!Read More